“We all live so far away from our mother that
we couldn’t be sure she was okay. ElderCare Strategies keeps us up to date all the time.
And Mom likes the attention we aren’t there
to provide…”

CAREGIVING FROM A DISTANCE: MAKING IT WORK PART I
By Barbara Payne, MSW

Helping older family members is becoming commonplace in the lives of adult children. Because people are living longer, they often reach a point when they need some help to manage varying aspects of their lives. If your parent lives with or near you, there are challenges to being a caregiver. But what if your family member lives across the state, or across the country. How can you help when you can’t be there.

Long distance caregiving presents additional obstacles to families with caregiving responsibilities. How often have you carried on weekly conversations with your loved ones and hear them say “Oh yes. Everything is fine. We are doing just wonderfully”. Then on your next visit you discover that laundry isn’t being done, the pantry is bare, mom or dad have had falls they didn’t tell you about, or unpaid bills are piling up on the dining room table. When you can’t be there to see for yourself what is happening, how can you be sure you are doing the right things to make a real difference in the quality and safety of your parent’s lives?

Here are some suggestions to help you become a better long distance caregiver:

o Have a current phone book from your parents’ town. This will save you great amounts of time and stress when you need to locate help for them.

o Set up a looseleaf notebook with sections relating to your parents and their environment: These sections can include:

• An address book
• Names/numbers of nearby friends and family
• Religious affiliation information; organizations to which they belong
• Insurance agents
• Home maintenance services
• Names/numbers and locations of hospitals and clinics

o Medical information:

• Names/numbers of all physicians, home care agencies, pharmacists and other health care professionals involved with your parents, including the numbers for local emergency services and hospitals.
• A current list of all medications, both prescription, over-the-counter & nutritional supplements
• A comprehensive medical history
• Names and numbers of organizations that provide information for pertinent medical conditions such as the Alzheimer’s Association or the American Diabetes Association, etc.
  

o Financial information:

• Bank and broker account numbers for every account
• Names and numbers of financial advisors
• Retirement accounts (IRAs, Keoghs, SEPs, etx.)
• Permission forms allowing you to access financial information
• Tax returns—at least 3-5 years back
• Credit card information
• Inheritance and trust information
• Locations of safety deposit boxes and keys
• Loan information—on money borrowed or loaned
• A monthly list of outstanding bills, liabilities, and other debt
• Appraisals of personal property
• Social Security information

o Legal information

• Copies (or originals) of all documents such as wills, deeds, trusts, etc.
• Copies of any Powers of Attorney, Medical Directives, Living Wills
• Military benefit information and retirement papers
• Burial instructions and information
• Insurance policies and numbers for all insurances
• Birth certificates, marriage certificates, divorce decrees, citizenship documents

o General Documents Section

• Birth certificates
• Business or partnership agreements
• Titles for all vehicles
• Location of any valuables

o Residential Issues (Housing, Safety)

• Names and numbers of home health and personal care agencies
• Names and numbers of transportation assistance for medical or personal needs
• Names and numbers of local stores that seel or provide items or services needed: example: medical equipment, grocery delivery
• Volunteer organizations that provide support
• Home modification experts
• Geriatric Care Managers to provide the kind of help you would give if you were there
• Assisted living and nursing facilities

Note: If you can not have originals of important documents, try to have copies or at least, list the location where they can be found. Also, keep in mind that information changes constantly. It is important to keep your notebook as current as possible.

Excerpts from Long Distance Caregiving: A Survival Guide for Far Away Caregivers by Angela Heath, published by American Source Books, Lakewood, Colorado, 1993.

CLICK HERE TO READ PART II OF CAREGIVING FROM A DISTANCE.