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Suggestions
for “Sandwichers” Did you know that you are trendy? As a “sandwich generation” caregiver, you are firmly entrenched in one of the century’s biggest trends. Thousands of people are doing just what you are doing—taking care of your children while also taking care of an older relative-- in other words, sandwiched between two other generations. Who knew, just twenty or thirty short years ago, that so many of us would be doing this? We grew up assuming that parenthood would be in our futures; we never expected parentcare. It is easy to see why this is happening. Women are postponing marriage and childbearing to a later age at the same time that people are living longer. It stands to reason that if you don’t have a child until you are thirty-five or older, you will most likely have a parent who is around 60 at that time. Add another few years, and you have a teenager and a parent who is now in their 70s. Age alone is not a predictor that your family member will need your care. But health, lifestyle, genetics, and luck certainly come into play. A fall, a serious illness, the death of a spouse, a stroke, and a host of other unforeseen reasons can change the dynamics of a family. |
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Whether you help by changing your parents’ tires or changing their Depends, you are a caregiver Just when you think your own kids are about to become more independent, giving you more time for yourself, you find yourself with responsibilities for your folks. Everyone deals with this differently. People do what they can. Most families do yeoman work for their older members. You should never feel guilt for what you can’t or don’t do. Just feel good about what you are doing to help, and look for other resources to fill in the gaps. If you find that you have become the ham and cheese between the slices of bread, there are things you can do to make your life easier, and to make your caregiving role more pleasant for you and those around you. 1. Respite. Give yourself a break. Caregiving shouldn’t be all work and no play. Think of it as a job—and no job comes without time off. No boss can work you 24/7 forever. Learn that you are not indispensable. While others may not do exactly what you do, they can do something else to help. Even the care recipient enjoys a break from being the sole object and subject of one person’s attention. Schedule time off. Don’t leave it to chance—the chance will never materialize. Plan for respite. Call in favors. Set up a caregiving exchange with other caregivers just as you used to arrange play dates for your kids. Do not be afraid to ask friends and other family members to pitch in. Even teenagers can be utilized. Consider hiring a personal care attendant to come in on a regular basis. Then use your time wisely. Certainly this will allow you to do your chores more easily, but also, give yourself a mini-vacation. Even if all you do is take a nap, go for a walk or read a book, you are rejuvenating and refreshing your spirit. And every once in a while go for broke. Take a few days off. Run away to an island, or to your sister’s house. Go somewhere. You can make arrangements for your family member to have respite in a local assisted living or nursing facility with around the clock, professional care, activities, and social interaction with others their age. It just might seem like a mini-vacation to them, too. 2. Add fun to your lives. If your family member were in assisted living or a nursing facility, they would be involved in a plethora of activities designed to keep them involved and interested in the world around them. Many of these activities are centered on the kinds of things that were meaningful in their earlier lives. You can replicate this at home. It’s easy.
Care giving and care receiving should not be only about baths and meals. It should also be about being a family and doing the things that families like to do together. Adding some joy and laughter into a situation that potentially can be frustrating and stressful will sure make your life easier, and it will make your family member feel less like a burden and more like a very lucky person to have such a great kid. Barbara
Payne, MSW READ ABOUT CAREGIVING FROM A DISTANCE HERE.
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